More Classifieds Translations

If the ad says... it really means...

• Numbers-Matching - The price in my ad matches the number of dollars I'd like to get for it.
• Original Hemi Engine - Just installed it last week.
• Authentic - To bad the VIN doesn't match up.
• Fast - Compared to a Geo Metro.
• Looks Great - In dim light.
• Always Garaged - That's because it would never run long enough for me to get it out of the garage.
• Needs Paint - To cover rust.
• New Paint - Beautifully covers rust.
• Solid as a rock - Rusted solid
• Clean - I will vacuum up the 6 month old French Fries 10 minutes before you see the car.
• Over $20,000 Invested - And that was just to get it to run.
• Fully Loaded - Seller is too.
• All Options - 8-track player.
• 95% Complete - Can't find the other 5%. or Everything except the engine.
• Only 59,000 Miles - Actually 359,000 miles.
• Rare Model - One of only 500,000 made.
• Must Sell - Before the law finds seller. or Need bail money. or My wife just bought new furniture; again.
• Sure to Appreciate - Yeah, that's why I'm selling it.
• Summer Fun - Roof leaks in winter. Won't make it to fall.
• Reliable - Don't leave the neighborhood.
• Daily Driver - 400 miles a day
• Only Driven Sundays - Sunday is race day.
• Engine Rebuilt - Engine degreased to look it.
• Doesn�t Smoke - No oil to burn, or 90wt oil.
• Trans. Rebuilt - Fine sawdust used to make it quiet.
• 4 Speed Gearbox - 5th gear is dead.
• Engine Blueprinted - I don't know what that means either.
• Hurry, Won't Last - Neither will the car.
• New Tires - Retreads years ago.
• Well Maintained - I occasionally changed the oil. orOil changed every other leap year.
• Drives Like a Dream - A nightmare.
• No Time To Restore It - Can't find the parts.
• Never Smoked In - Unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.
• Needs Minor Repair - Doesn't run.
• Needs Minor Overhaul - Needs engine.
• Needs Major Overhaul - Phone the junkyard.
• Car Cover - To help keep out rats.
• Always Garaged - Embarrassed to leave it outside.
• Looks like new - Just don't try to drive it anywhere.
• Rough Condition - Too bad to lie about.
• Family Owned - Driven by 6 teenagers.
• Restoration Started - The rest of the car has been in boxes since 1992.
• Fully Restored - Nothing original.
• All Original - I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.
• Smog Exempt - DMV doesn't think so.
• Tags Till Next Year - Stolen year sticker.
• Excellent Gas Mileage - It's slow.
• Project Car - I can't figure out how to finish it, and I doubt you will either.
• Moving, Must Sell - Off to jail, need bail money.
• No Disappointments - Once you hand me the cash, I promise I won't be disappointed.
• Loaded with Options - None of them work.
• Loaded with Options - Each one more troublesome than the last.
• Rare Option - Because the factory never offered it.
• Motivated Seller - Motivated to get the hell out of town.
• Lots of Potential - To drive you insane.
• Parts Car - Beyond repair.
• Immaculate - Recently washed.
• Concours Condition - Recently waxed.
• 95 Point Car - You think that is impressive, you should see the points on my driving record.
• Show Winner - Once got third place in the 1983 Eastern Iowa Star Trek Convention but that was before the rust got really bad.
• Other Interests Conflict - Spouse's ultimatum: “Either that #!!@## thing goes or I do!”