It really sucks when people take notes!
Retail auto parts is always an enlightening experience. The other day was no exception. Actually it was an extraordinary day. I gotta say that in this case I was awestruck. I was so overwhelmed that I was speechless. Well for a minute at least.
Let me lay it out for you
I had the “pleasure” of dealing with a Mr. Brian Williams and his friend on a spark plug transaction. What started out as a simple transaction involving some spark plugs for a 4.6 liter Ford mod motor turned into a very loud and boisterous enlightenment by Mr. Williams that because I work in a parts store as a clerk I don’t have any idea what I am talking about. Now I have been berated before in this, and other businesses , so I don’t let it get under my skin. He added that my 61 years have no bearing on what I know! Just another old guy in a parts store. And to make it real I was informed that not only is Mr. Williams an ASE certified mechanic for 25 years, he was personally taught engine building by Austin Coil, the NHRA tuner for John Force! And that Mr. Williams is the record holder at both Milan Dragway in Milan, MI AND, let me repeat that, AND Summit Motorsports Park in Norwalk,OH! His own amazing vehicle has 15,000 HP! Yes! He said his 15,000 HP car does 4.2 seconds in the quarter mile! I am truly in awe of Mr Williams and this vehicle. That’s incredible! Incredible I tell you! This get get my attention!
On to the aftermath
I was so amazed that I could not really say anything. Well, kinda till he hit the door. At that point I had a hard time breathing! Why you ask? Because I was laughing so hard it hurt! There is no description that can make this exchange anything more than just frickin incredible. At that point I was so amazed that I decided to do some simple fact checking. Yep! That’s what I did! Here are the results. Ain’t technology a kick in the butt!?
- “ASE certified Mechanic for 25 years” – I’m gonna give him this one! Could be. He is the right age. Haven’t checked the database yet.
- “Personally taught engine building by Austin Coil” – My gut feeling here is probably not! Maybe saw a video by him but that’s about it. Could be, but once again I vote NO!
- “Record holder at Milan Dragway” – Must be using an alias of some sort because they never heard of him! Ever!
- “Record holder at Summit Raceway Park” – Could be using another alias here too because they never heard of him either!
- “15,000 Horsepower” – not sure on this one. Could be. But it seems that Bill Miller, owner of Bill Miller Engineering (BME) in Carson City, Nevada can only get 8,000 horsepower from his. He must be doing it wrong! I need to hook him up with Brian!
- “4.2 seconds” – Brian must not be too good a tuner ’cause the guys with only 7000 horses are getting 3.85′s out of theirs at Pomona! His car should be doing 3.2′s if my math is correct!
This is just my opinion, remember that! Here are some simple observations that I would like to offer up. Brian, if you are going to get on a rant you may want to at least make it believable! And Brian if you are going to start spouting off about how frickin awesome you are you may want to make it credible. Especially if there are numbers of people in the immediate vicinity that heard all the info you gave out. And when it is all said and done, well, in this case Brian you are the asshat not me! I really do look forward to seeing you again. Really I do! I really really am!
Come see me again soon
So Brian if you read this stop by the store I would like to chat further with you. Really! Just ask for Bob! The OLD guy behind the counter.